Lifeless

#WhenIWakeUp I had to remind myself that she's gone. She's not here for me any more. She had gone and will never return back no matter what. She was died and meet who had create her. Every time I feel lonely, careless, lifeless, needless it'll remind me of her. And I always feels  lonely and etc. I'm writing this with my tears falling. Its almost a year she had left me but I still can't biasakan diri with this situation. Whatever I do, will remind me of her, of us. Seriously I miss you so much, I miss us both, I miss my old life. My life would be better now if you're here w me and always be there listen to me. Those days when you were still alive, everything that I do, I will always ask for your advises, your opinion, you were always lucky. I'm so jealous of you. 

Now, 20 April 2013, 2022. I wish that I will get hurt and comma in the hospital. I want to see how man people would care, and come to visit me, accompany me stay up every night. Who will cry beside me and tell me the truth. I wanna hear the truth. They'll tell me how much they love me and pray I will fine soon. Promise me will care of me. And who hate me, wish me to die. 
Wanna know my hellish dream?  I won't sit for SPM. And I won't make my parents upset with my bad result. Seriously, I won't see my parents disappointed with me. Not at all. Sumpah tak sanggup!! :'( So I wish I will die before SPM. And my ending is I want to get sick so that everybody who loves me will get around me, and get ready for accept my death. So that I'll be able slowly close my eyes and go in peace :') The things that make me feel needless is not because I don't have any boyfriend. but because of everybody around me shows me that they don't need me in their life.